Occasional jealousy is to be expected even in healthy relationships. However, jealousy in relationships often has a major negative impact on the connection between partners, and can be destructive if it isn’t handled properly. Feelings of jealousy or envy are usually due to possessiveness, or attached to fears that a partner is cheating or will cheat in the future.
Jealousy in relationships can quickly cause trust issues, which can lead to a breakdown in communication between partners. It can also isolate partners and make it harder to connect, which can eventually diminish the emotional intimacy that’s crucial in a romantic relationship.
Since jealousy often involves hyperfixation, it will only get worse over time if it’s left to fester. If you experience any feelings of jealousy in a relationship, it’s important to address them as soon as you can. The first step is awareness and holding yourself accountable to have a plan to cope with these thoughts and feelings.
Coping Strategies for Overcoming Jealousy and Fostering Healthy Connections
There are several steps you can take to cope with jealousy. If you’re feeling jealous, you should consider doing the following things:
Admit that you have a problem. It’s important to be willing and ready to identify feelings of envy and recognize how they might be affecting your relationship. There is no harm in admitting that you’re jealous — after all, it’s a natural human emotion.
Acknowledge triggers or stressors. Recognizing (and avoiding) things that cause jealousy is crucial to diminishing those reactions. For example, if you feel jealous when your partner interacts with people on social media, it might be a good idea to spend less time on such platforms.
Communicate with your partner. Telling your partner when you feel jealous can not only make you feel better, but it can also allow you to create a plan for resolving jealousy.
Practice gratitude. Paying attention to the things you have, rather than what you don’t have, can dispel feelings of envy.
Work towards growth. Jealousy can make it easy to feel helpless — however, setting goals for self-improvement can help improve your self-confidence and make you feel better. Taking steps to improve any area of your life will help you regain a sense of control. You can involve trusted loved ones in this process, too. You don’t (and shouldn’t) have to cope and grow all alone.
Communication can be hard to initiate, especially when it comes to expressing jealous thoughts. Many people feel embarrassed or ashamed of their feelings or are afraid of the emotional vulnerability that comes with open communication. Here are some tips for how to foster healthy communication:
Communicate your feelings as soon as you identify them. The longer you hold your feelings in, the more intense they will become over time.
Listen to and consider the feelings of your partner. Hearing what your partner has to say will not only strengthen your communication but will hopefully encourage them to do the same for you.
Use “I” statements. For example, instead of saying, “You were flirting with a coworker,” try saying, “I feel insecure when I feel that you’ve crossed certain boundaries with your coworker.” Framing your conversation this way will help you avoid being accusatory and focus on what really matters: the way you feel. How Can Therapy Help with Jealousy and Other Issues?
Therapy provides a space where you can communicate your feelings openly and without judgment. It promotes not only healthy expression but also healthy reception of feedback and challenges.
Whether you go to therapy yourself or with your partner, a therapist will guide you and provide you with the tools to sort through the issues that arise from jealousy in a healthy and constructive way. They can help you identify problems that you believe are latent or simply don’t have the words for and equip you with the skills to face such challenges.
If you’re struggling with how to ease jealous thoughts, consider scheduling an appointment with a therapist or counselor today. Our expert clinicians provide a variety of therapy services — from individual therapy to couples therapy — and are ready to help you overcome jealousy and learn to appreciate yourself and your life.
